bigcatapult

people need to look at how well their friends treat them and learn to show some respect. 
like ive been in a postion where i felt i was giving 200% and getting nothing back and it sucks 
and i dont know i feel like friends should treat eachother evenly and try not to take shit out on eachother
and if their in a bad mood they should just SAY why, or talk about it and listen and work shit out

not be bitches.
ya know.

stfu fatass

NOH.
im hungry. 


dfndjsgjkfd 


but at the same time im like really not 
my head is sooo bored that its saying im hungry 
but my bodys like 
nope dont feed me i dont need your food!


so im going to make soup
maybe i think 
hahha 
but uhm 
yeah i love lots of people right now 
including a 27 year old from a band 
some kid on myspace 
a 23 year old from a band 
some guy named ryan 
and uhm 
a 26 year oold hows name i cant spell 
and erik 
and victoria 
and bizzle 
and ally 
and anais 

idk im in a good mood.

i lied.  i dont really like this boy. i reallly WANT this boy.

too bad hes a sceney little shit.  

most things.


mostly mattie  DEE-SSSTTRUUUCCTTTIOONNNSS pictures. 

they make me happy when ever he posts them
and not happy like 
aww kitttennss!! happy
happy like

wow. at least SOME ONES haveing fun while im baby sitting and not going to  parties. 


i mean really. 

but idk other than that im in a really good mood i hung out with victoria and idk i love her a lot. and out of most any body i think she knows best what its like to live with people like i do haha. idk its hard to like explain how i feel without sounds like a) a raging lesbian or b) an obsessive stalker so im just going to leave it at that. 

im going to the mall tomorro and im hoping ill find a plain
black 
dress for victorias becauseee idk thats just what i want to wear 

and im going into abercrombie to make sure that they still want me in september and that i should find somewhere else to work. 

also. im finding a cognative therapist. who will be able to tell me WHY i eat so much shit i dont want to eat. and why i do things that i know make me sick and things like that. and how to fix them so i hope hope hope my serch goes well. 

i had a doctor appointment in the like mid day today and it went bettter than i thought i saw my moms doctor which was nice because im not a baby any more i dont want to see a kid doctor. 

i need to get re evaluated brain wise for medication which sucks a BIG HAIRY BULL DICK. 

to be blunt. 

oh and uhm speaking of blunts i need some new parties to go to. im not so into the people ive been going t o parties with and since mahwah boys ARENT talking to me which is totally okay i have nothing to do. im sick of drinking cheap beers in some kids back yard.  but ill deal with it for now i just want to see some new faces and new just things.

 uhm i love patent pending and marc FROM patent pending and big shows 

oh and this  

"I've got a problem with everyone I know
I've got a problem I want everyone to know
I got home late last night from the punk  rock show
I say it sucked because I'm emo"

haha idk why i just love that line so much.

oh and also i realized that sometimes 
i really really dont like people sometimes 
but other time i really do 
i like attention i guess and until people give it to me im not going to like them 


i still want traci to come home. 


uh oh uh oh 

cliffhanger.


I REALLY LIKE THIS BOY. but really. no chance.

guess who!

YES I AMMM!! 

haha so yeah its summer. im glad its summer but i just feel like its a long weekend at this point. i feel like so much has gone on that everyone already knows about that theres like no reason to talk about it. 
but some things are relativly excitng and i might have no told you all so heres a run through of my life since ... june. 

me and brittany got in a argument over some very valid things that i do on a regular basis. and it really came to my attention how much ive changed not only like how i dress but really whats important to me and just everything. i tuffed up tho and didnt let it get me down too much and we didnt talk for, most of the end of school which was like, idk it took some stress off my life for a while but i missed her, cause like no matter what we were best friends like, its hard to just drop that. but after i guess like two weeks something funny happened and we both laughed and it was just like... yeah we can be friends but just not... that close any more. we both need our space but we also need to be friends. so far its worked out well for both of us im guessing, we've been getting along really well. and we need to hang out and its a nice feeling. i think we kind of saw what we  wanted in our friends and didnt have to worry about how the other one was going to feel and i think over all it was good. 

uhm idk me and victoria got a lot closer since then which is something im happy about. its nice to have a new friend like in my life who always wants to go out with me and is always up for something crazy, but doesnt get mad when idont want to do anything. shes crazy and blonde and messy and i love her. not only her but ive gotten to know anais and claudia alot better to and love them both a whole lot. anais has to be one of the most like unexpecidly funny people i know and i love having claudia around cause she takes pictures and i love it :) and plus were totalllly going to open up our own surf/skate shops and doing crazy street art and its going to be sooo amazing. 

i passed chem. not without crazy studying for the hours before the test though. and honestly i need to like thank traci and bricey sooo much for that theres no way i would have passed without them. but it feels good to not have to worry about that any more. and it know that i have my graduation requirments haha, on that note can i just say how insane it is to be a senior. 08's about to tear down and rip up any expectations ive had and im excited to see whats ahead of me. 

whatelsewhatelse. uhm me and lucas DIDNT work out for so many reasons. nothing like happened i just stopped wanting to worry about him liking me and not knowing what i should believe and not seeing him ever it just wasnt what i wanted. maybe someday ill know whats up with him then ill have a real reason to update my lj.

uhm yeah idk other than that ive been partying and baby sitting and sleeping nothing like, else has really been going on. tracis away. sunday six flags hopefully!!! thatd be fun haha. uhmdmsgfjhkdf idk. i feel like i had something else to say 


OMG I KNOW

im totally in love with the guy from patent pending. hes so cute and scruffy and perfect haha. 


OMG ANNNNDDD


VITORIAS A FROSTED MINI WHEATS ADDICCCTT!!!

okay okay this is rediculous.


why do i always freak out and think that people hate me when they arent talking? like right now im no joke about two steps away from crying because fucking lucas isnt talking to me. and if i somehow fucked that up im going to be so mad. really i cant do any better than him, and i never will. and the way i see it all ive done so far is been really sweet to him and made sure to make him feel better and not stressed about me but i cant deal with not talking to him, sometimes he talks to me all day other times he doesnt talk to me at all like today and i get worried that he hates me and idont know why he would really, like theres no reason he should hate me. i mean would you hate some one who just tells you how perfect and amazing you are and how lucky they are to be friends with you? idk maybe its a boy thing. but i cant stop thinking about him and i probably wont, and its not just some regular zoe likes a boy thing its a zoe has a crush on a boy thing and that doesnt happen to me ever and you can ask any of my friends that. i hook up with a boy and we talk for a while and then i forget about them or find some reason to hate them. and i just cant deal with even thinking about lucas not liking me anymore cause id be, crushed so bad. but like reall he has no reason to hate me hes probably just busy, i mean he has a life but why cant he take like two seconds out of his life and text me and say hi or anything, i dont get it. i hate this. i hate feeling like this and i hate not knowing how some one else is feeling. 

im just. so confused and so aggravated and ill probably wake up at 3am worried and have a text from lucas saying that he was sorry and that he was just busy. but i cant deal with that. i wish i just, didnt talk to people and iwish that ididnt care about him at all.

i fucking hate this.

sooo i havent undated this in a long time. and im sorry, my life isnt that interesting at all.

today was fun though, not really. i stayed home from school, feeling like complete shit which was awesome as you could imagine, then i went shopping for snacks for the backdoor with bizzle and annoying asshole's number one and two.

but i will admit i had fun, and i got MCDONALDS


MMMMMMMMMMM PMS = IM ALLOUD TO EAT 54728594789534 CALORIES IN ONE MEALLL MMMM!!!!!



but other than that nothing has happened except maybe me falling in love, im sute youve all heard PLENTY about this boy lucas. for those of you who dont know:
 i am creepy and met a boy from myspace and i really like him alot, we saw blades of glory and did cute things and he deal with me talking to him CONSTANTLY which is amazing, and hes smart and cute and perfect in every way.

if he ever reads this, ill be really embarassed but not really because ive told him a million times how amazing he is.

uh other than that just my life being my life.

:)<3 i saw ryan beatty tonight and didnt say hi just looked at him. idk. im sleepy ill start updating this again soon i promise :)<3

im doing laundry cause i cleaned my whole room so really i guess i have nothing better to do them update my el jay.
this weekend was fun in some ways, and kinda lame in others 
bizzle was sick which sucked alot cause i was looking forward to seeing her but did get to hang out with victoria and anais which was really cool cause like, idk ive been wanting other friends to hang out with just like all the time cause really its always cool to have people around who WANT to spend time with you.
im really like content, i cant wait for this summer to come and for everything to just go down the rest of the year its gonna be straight gravy. 

im glad that since things did have to change that there going for the better, i like what im seeing.
some things are kinda gay tho, like on friday ana was like telling me all about how shes painting something for rachel for her birthday and like there gonna spend time together and like its not that i care that she has other friends it just that she never ever makes an effort to hang out with me and like never really invites me to show or w.e and i understand that like we're diffrent people and that her and rachel have more in common but its nice every once in a while for some one to be like "hey lets hang out" like how hard is that, she always seems too busy with her real friends and her boyfriend but whatever i have things to do and i dont have time to  waste being upset or angry and hanging on one person not wanting to see me

i guess im just not cool enough for her lifestyle any more.

i feel like ive been seeing tucker everywhere for the past like three days its kinda weird, i think its so funny that like when we're in nyack and i know people ally and victoria and anais think its wierd that i know people cause like they dont live here so me saying hi to people and whatevers like weird. 

st patricks day weekend might be really sick if things work out how i want it would make me really happy if it could be a night to bring together some of my friends and maybe get a nice little group of people going and not having to worry about people not getting along and all that shit. 

but i guess we'll just have to wait and see.

latez sexxy

so yeah this weekend was sick.
i chilled with wizzle a lot which was nice cause i never see her.
and uhm the show was good,
annndd we did her hair.
its ORANGE.
andi love it.

nothing else. :)

oh god.

( Read more... )

i honestly dont want to be in school any more
now that we're on vacation ive realized that really,
i hate school.
i go to school to see my friends,
i dread the classes where im not surrounded by friend,
where i cant do things right,
it makes me feel like shit.

i really, might think about this more if some one could honestly tell me
why im going to need to divide complex fractions when im making movies
or going to sick a-list parties and drinking with the best of the best.

yeah thanks.
oh and heres a big FUCK YOU to mr.diaz.
although i do love your accent,
and your bad shirt tie combos,
I CANT UNDERSTAND A SINGLE WORD YOU SAY ASSHOLE.
learn english then try and teach me math.
douche bag.

oh and media.
FUCK THAT.
i dont think that, having to talk for half a period,
and wasting a FULL PERIOD every week on current evens is what a film class should be.
some of us need that time to work on pieces that are eventually going to make us money.
thanks again NHS.

oh and im sorry about the direct insulting,
and the lack of sensors on the names and stuff.

on a lighter note.
i love my friends.
last night was SO MUCH FUN.
me and bizzle decided around nine to go ice skating,
which was amazing
and painful
but still amazing,
i love it.
now every saturday night were going ice skating till eleven haha
tomarros christmas!!!
thank god.